You are a Free Agent

"What many people need to understand, I think, is that we are all free agents.  We can do whatever we want at any time.  A relationship, loving or not, is based on that free agency." 

I was having a candid discussion with a friend who explained relationships as this: a free agency.  I lifted the quote above from our conversation. I gave it some thought.

My friend isn't really into sports, so perhaps it wasn't the best choice for an analogy.

To some degree, one can say we are all free agents. Marriage, however, comes with stipulations that tend to supersede this concept -- this idea that one does not have a contractual obligation to behave any certain way.

Besides, those of us who are parents cannot abide by the idea that we are not responsible to any party for our actions.  We are all free agents until we have children for whom we are obligated to acknowledge and promise care and create boundaries (at least those of us who want to be good parents).

But I'm getting off-topic. This idea of free agents, I think, was proposed to mean that it's important to realize that there are other ways people wish to live....other than our own.  Perhaps we should be more accepting of those ways. Or moreso, one should live the way they wish to live and expect that a significant other will either find it acceptable.... or not.

Let's be real. I am a sloppy mess of a girl who may just leave my shoes next to the bed. Maybe my panties too. Oh, and a stack of books/magazines/last week's mail.  I may also want the air conditioning set at 77 instead of 79 degrees.  I may leave dishes in the sink overnight without worry.  I may even forget to turn a light off.  What I wish I had done during the early period of my married life is promote my own faults as they should be-- acceptable.  My attitude should've been more "take it or leave it." This would have, perhaps, prevented me from ever getting married in the first place.  Or maybe my now husband would've said, "Oh, I can live with that."  (If you knew him, you'd know he'd never say that) 

Instead, I tried to bend to the whims and the constant criticism of my other half.  This could only end badly.  I take full responsibility for my lack of a backbone.

Ultimately we end up chasing our tails in relationships that aren't fully accepting of the other's imperfections.  Or like me, you may end up saying "yes" more than you should have.  Then one day you'll wish you really were a bona-fide free agent, even if it means you're going to be out of work or in need of a new contract. Better to be free than bound to someone else's ideals.