A Social "Like"

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.- Oscar Wilde

I've been on a self-prescribed long hiatus from social media. I said adieu to Facebook in 2012.  My 'friends’ asked me on weekly intervals if I missed it.  Actually, I felt it was quite liberating.  I told them so. 

Yes, there are benefits to being connected.  I missed seeing photos or videos of my little nephew at events as they happened.  I missed knowing who was where, or that perhaps, I was just two doors down from one of my friend’s happy hour get together. I may have even missed a few birthday or anniversary notices.  A funny thing happens though when you’re not on social media.  If people know you’re not there, they send updates to your email or phone anyway.  My mom kept me up-to-date on my ‘friends’ and family.  My real friends texted me with the latest news.  So even though I wasn’t connected, I somehow managed.  

Ask yourself, who posts terrible selfies? And if someone tags you in a photo, do you not “untag” yourself?  The way we represent ourselves online is just that.  We are, as Oscar Wilde describes, other people. We are not who we’ve become in social media.  

I learned this lesson firsthand from an ex-friend of mine. She would post some amazing anecdotes and inspiring insights about life.  She had built an online empire based solely on how she wanted to be represented.  All of her ‘friends’ could look at her life and collectively exhale a romanticized sigh at the beauty of it all.  But in reality, her life was nothing like her Facebook.  She may have told you that she’d be at the beach/movie/bar/yoga class that day, but in the end, she’d never show up.  Oh, and if she did, she was at least an hour late.  She posted photos of her family, but in reality, she spent a lot of time away from them.  She made empty promises to her sons.  She had another life with another guy or two or three or four.  She had in theory, the best intentions to do everything, all the time, but it rarely worked out the way it was posted. 

Real life happens in the now, in the spaces we occupy where we are actually present.  The concept of not just our social media lives, but all of the world’s history falls into the same category of it being someone else’s account of what happened.  History is, after all, just the words “his” and “story” fused together.  

With time, I’ve slowly increased my time back on Facebook.  I’ve opened a different account which only includes a handful of friends and of course my family.  I am only there to post “likes” or comment on their pages, really.  Oh, of course I’ll share pictures of my children out there. But I try to keep from posting my own “selfies"  as much as possible. 

My thoughts and opinions are better shared here, in anonymity. 

My life is not meant to be mimicked.  My passions are beyond words. 

Thank you, Mr. Wilde, for putting it so well.