All the Good

In times of crisis, all the good things you should do for yourself are always the last things your mind and body really want to do.  You're in a storm of complex changes but you need to eat healthy, get enough rest, make time for the gym, read spiritually uplifting passages, stay organized, and of course, you still need to write.

In these hideous moments, all you really want to do is let everything go.  Forget the mindfulness and the evening meditations.  Forgo what you've envisioned as your life's work.  Just close your eyes and try to shake everything off. Good or bad. Drink heavily.  Say things that you'll regret later.  Spend frivolously.  What is the saying? What goes up must come down. Just let it fall a little harder with no regret.

I wish I could be that way.  Just let the wave throw my scales off balance and into another state of being, but it won't. I can't.  I may be struggling with the writing and perhaps the eating healthy, but I haven't given up on doing all the good things. Maybe not all good all the time, but I still remind myself that I should be.

Tonight, I will run a few miles.  I will try to be patient and present.  One of my closest friends said it best:

Keep your chin up.  You are an extraordinary woman, beautiful, smart, kind, and as we say: much stronger than you think you are.  Soon, this will be behind you, and all the sorrow will have carved out a place in your should for coming joy.

I hope she is right.  I believe she will be.  Soon.