Some of the best writing I encounter is from a handful tortured souls I follow. Perhaps I am less tortured these days, more satisfied and less apt to express online. The past 6 months have been a whirlwind. My divorce finalized. The dust began to settle on the idea of moving on. That move (the moving on) has been on several fronts.
Silly me, I'm not the only one who's moved on. I read about and hear about others seeking out company. That's all it is for some. Company is good, no doubt. Companionship, however-- finding a symbiotic relationship where both parties are completely aligned-- is tough to come by. Those types of relationships require both parties to give a little. Amazing, but true, it usually comes when you're not looking for it.
In the past weeks, I put two and two together that my ex-husband's new love interest is attending one of the group exercise classes I teach. She's the tall, pretty blonde in the back of the room wearing the bright turquoise tennis skirt. She is of that upper class-must-wear-makeup-to-the-gym-must-look-completely together-at-all-times kind of MILF. And for some reason, she feels compelled to take her new beau's ex-wife's class. Weird move, if you ask me. So, since I'm not very shy, I walked straight up to her with a beaming smile and introduced myself.
The look of shock and horror on her face was fun actually. There was the, "how did you know my name?" and the even more entertaining, "oh, he's (as in my ex) just a friend." Followed by, "I'm actually still married, but my husband cheated on me." That rates as an overshare in my book. Wasn't sure how to reply to that one. At that point, I recognized that I had made her feel extremely uncomfortable, so I mentioned that she was spending time with my children and I thought it necessary to introduce myself and say "hi."
I flat out lied and told her he was a good guy. I'm not sure why that came out, but thought it might make her feel better. Is it really lying if you're doing it to make someone feel more at ease? I lied big.
As soon as I walked back to the front of the exercise room to start the class, she quickly grabbed her phone and started dialing -- her best friend, her unboyfriend-exhusband-of-mine, her mother -- who knows? All I know is that then I had to spend the rest of my class trying to figure out why she'd choose to come to my class. That, to me, is strange behavior.
I am not a jealous person. If nothing else, I want my exes (all eight of them ;)) to be happy. Especially in the case of my ex-husband -- it is rather important. If as they say, "Happy Wife = Happy Life" then "Happy Ex means Happy Kids." He is prying less into my business and has taken to getting out of his own way.....mostly.
So breadcrumbs are a piss poor way to find one's way back. I've been lost, but I am certainly grounded in reality. Gone are the days of worrying about my health; I am completely off any anti-depressant medication. Gone are the days of wishing I could be someone's one and only. I know for some that's just not possible; for others, I know I am loved for exactly who I am without having to worry that I'm not quite right. I am happy with exactly who I am. Wonder if new ungirlfriend will show up to my class again now that I've introduced myself and there is no longer any mystery whether I know who she is or not?
I'll keep you posted.
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