The End and the Beginning of Things

I've been instructed to write more about my life, if for nothing else, to practice the art of writing.  The progression of my life has changed in so many ways since I last posted to a blog.  There is no effective, intuitive way to catch up on 5 years.  I wandered in and out of my marriage.  After a having daughter,  I gave birth to a son.  I sought refuge in the practice of yoga.  I found and lost myself dozens of times.  That is the progression of life.  One can only hope that a person can become wiser and more efficient at learning the lessons we're given.

Last fall began the first season in a long time that I had the time and the opportunity to go back to academic work.  It is a part-time job, but it was a huge step in the direction of my future self.  The week of my birthday I began working as a writing tutor. I feel like this position in so many ways speaks to what I've found to be my life's work.  Helping people.  Inspiring students to think independently. Attaching little wings to their dreams and letting them fly about the world with a new sense of self. It's all freakishly good-hearted stuff.  It's the stuff I hoped I could always do.....do for others. What else is there?

What's most critical these days is the fact that I'm deep in the trenches of that place where most couples find themselves after so many years of marriage. It's this area of life where a person looks around and tries to redefine what it means to be an individual, as well as, part of a relationship.  Many times, years will pass and there's nothing left of what a person once was.  Part of that is just growing into something better, something wiser, something even more fulfilling.  But oftentimes, it means the person is stifled by attempting to bend and flex life into the shape of their "other." This is all to say that, my self as become unrecognizable to me now.

And so it may be the end of the road for some things I've been holding onto, bending until my whole self aches to return to what is important to me:  art, love, writing, breathing life and courage into this world, feeling safe, feeling romance.  Oh god, this is way too serious.  It's not a way to start a commentary on my life, but it's just the beginning of things.