It's early enough that my spouse is on his way to his sporting life. It's his thing. I've learned that you must allow the people in your life, whether you're married to them or not, to have their "thing." You've got to support and show interest for that part of his or her life that brings them joy. Otherwise life just becomes routine drudgery.
For him, it's soccer. It's a return to his childhood every Sunday, oh, and every Tuesday night too. Oh wait, there is also his gym thing. That is a few nights a week as well. Most evenings, he meets his guy friend at one of those big chain fitness centers for a workout. Under the stark light of the florescent bulbs, they grunt and sweat and make small talk. That's the extent of his social life....other than what I drag him to. This is all to say, I'm certain he'd be unbearable to anyone if he didn't have the gym and sports. His things....
Maybe it's more appropriate to say everyone needs an outlet.
Yesterday, we went to a pool party for a 6-year-old friend of my son. Everyone was fascinated with the intricate, enormous saltwater fish tanks in this unassuming, simple home. It was the husband's "thing" to buy exotic fish, to buy dainty pieces of coral via the Internet, and fuse it all together in these humongous tanks. There were hundreds of little pieces. It was it's own aquasphere of fascinating plant life and living things -- dozens of tiny starfish that were never purchased but rather hitchhiked on some piece of coral and multiplied in this tiny aquatic world. His wife turns to me and said, "This is his mistress." I nodded. I understood.
My best gal's thing is running. She and I ran a 15k a few years ago in a far away town. There is the packet pick up the evening before, the elaborate pre-race dinner, a leisurely run for 9ish miles, the post-race margaritas and shopping. We made a weekend out of it. After that weekend away, running events became her thing. She desperately needed an escape from the drudgery of routine. She needed an excuse to escape from her overbearing husband and crazy children. At least her thing is in the guise of a healthy excuse. A few weeks ago, too much of her "thing" developed into an injury. She's incapable of running, even a mile for now. Then what does one do? What do you do when your "thing" requires you to be at the peak of health?
A talented artist friend of mine has his thing too. One can assume that it would be his overwhelming desire to create. His photographs are entrancing. He does things with light and color and depth that I've only experienced through his lens. I get the impression he feels most alive, most connected to this world when he's creating. There are experiments with how to process the prints. There are special chemicals and treatments and mixtures. I see this internal light in him when he tries to explain it all to me (the layperson). So he confesses to me that his printer broke yesterday and now it's impossible for him to do his thing. Roadblock. Stupid printer.
And something inside me wants to do the impossible. I want to heal my gals torn ligament. I want to diagnose and fix the printer. I want to give them back their things.
My yoga mentor once spoke about how we define ourselves. If we only see ourselves as our "thing" then, what happens if you lose that thing? There are roadblocks and injuries. There are other life events that take precedence. And then what are we? It's a matter of knowing we are not defined by what we do or what brings us the most happiness. One is not defined by his or her "thing." We are more than that.
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